I’m Building the Spaceship for Us

**Just a random reminder to myself that I need to be more mindful to my soul and self.**

My parents came from Vietnam as boat people. They fled from communists. They battled racism. They’ve been victims of financial crimes. They have both been hurt by our legal system. And why? Because they didn’t understand it. Their experiences manifested in trama. My father continues to battle a nasty gambling addiction while my mother fights mental health issues and eating disorders.

This post intergenerational trauma has already manifested in me being an emotional wreck for so much of my life. Because. I am. the last. chance. for us. I am the last chance to correct trauma. The last chance for the happy ending. The dream to their american dreams.

When I was in my third year of college, I suffered from severe anxiety. I had panic attacks almost every day and my mental health was slowing slipping away. I was placing so much extreme pressure on myself that my mind just broke. What helped me a lot was the promise I made to myself. That promise became tattooed on my body in both Vietnamese and English.

Keep her dreams alive.

On the road to success, I’ll remember my mom’s sacrifices.

Even with talent and abilities, hard work is required.

To go far in this life, you have to take care of your health.

I am my mom’s dreams.

This has been the blueprint to my life for the last 5 years.

I became a Real Estate Developer in Affordable Housing. Where I get to play with numbers, talk about construction, feel with my community, and sometimes be reminded that maybe I don’t like people. But I help people.

I like running. Playing sports and fantasy sports. Trading Stocks. Riding my fixie. Playing golf. Playing video games. I am able to enjoy my life more so because I am allowed to.

And so for once maybe I am already my parents’ dreams?

Because I am not worried about my or our survival anymore. It’s not about me being the last chance anymore, but being the first chance.

I am going to continue building this spaceship for us. And can’t wait to see your eyes when we finally lift off.

I think it’s only a matter of time

before I can tell you “I promise I’d take care of you.”