Chapter 2: The Turn that Comes after the Tide
Hi World. It’s been a minute.
I don’t really write anymore and while I miss it, I just haven’t had the emotional energy to do it.
Today, I turn 26. Crazy. And what’s crazier in my own mind is that: I am here. Like in every single way — I’m here. There was a moment in my life where I just could not see myself making it to 30. It’s sad, but it’s the reality of it. Life felt like a slow painful death to me.
Right before I graduated college, I want to believe that my depression had started brewing within my mind and body. Failure after failure had set in when it felt like I had poured every ounce of energy into those moments.
My mind was crumbling. My self talk was awful. My coping mechanisms were terrible. I ate only processed foods. I never talked to anyone. I didn’t exercise. My job was just absolutely terrible without any real support. I took it out on my loved ones. It was during this time where I felt like my mind, body, and spirit was in free fall. Everything just fell to rock bottom. Albeit so many of these things were out of my control, I hope that that free fall gives me all the strength I will ever need so that it doesn’t happen again.
Today, I am really fucking proud of the person I am and the person I am becoming. I am trying to stop doing the things that I feel like society wants me to do and doing the things that I want to do. I see myself not only surviving my life, but finally finally living it. I am privileged to be able to have all the things that I have and to have all the people I have.
But this year has been filled with traumatic stress and known revelations about the racist world we live in — my heart is heavy. My heart burns for the black community. My heart burns for the injustices. My heart burns for a better way. 26, I hope that you are spent to better the world around you. I hope 26 is used to fix the injustices happening in our world. I hope 26 leaves you to be a better you.
Violence is Oppression.
Oppression is Violence.
#BLACKLIVESMATTER
#BLACKLIVESMATTER
#BLACKLIVESMATTER
#BLACKLIVESMATTER
#BLACKLIVESMATTER
